Many men with unwanted same-sex attraction desperately want to overcome it. What many seem to not understand is that their addiction to pornography and masturbation keeps them locked in a cycle of shame much deeper than they realize. You see, being a slave to one’s passions is a life of misery and a life without meaning. It’s a constant cycle of shame. Catholic men at least have the Sacrament of Confession where mortal sins (sins that kill the soul) are purged. Non-Catholics seem to take a lot longer to recover after committing the sins of pornography and masturbation. Frankly, I don’t know how they keep living. It’s painful to watch.
So for someone struggling with unwanted same-sex attraction, it may be more effective to stop the pornography and masturbation first. I know that’s a difficult feat. Here are some tips to help you get your head right, and make the work a bit easier for you:
- God has allowed you to suffer addiction to help you reach a place of humility. Begin practicing humility by accepting that you can do nothing of value without Jesus (Jn 15:5). Ask Jesus for everything you need to overcome temptation today because you have nothing of your own that works.
- Stop watching TV, Netflix, Peacock, all that streaming nonsense. It’s all made by non-Christians or anti-Christians who intentionally put indecent stuff in their programs because if they get you aroused, you’re more likely to watch, and they can sell advertising. The entertainment industry is a farm, and you are the produce they harvest. At best, it’s mindless. At worst, it’s deliberately intended to corrupt your morals. Turn it off.
- Identify and resolve any resentments and bitterness you’re holding on to. Resentment is like poison that you drink expecting the other person to die. Resentment is keeping score of injustices that will never be satisfied. God does not hold resentments, we shouldn’t either if we are to try to be like God.
- Be gentle with yourself. The guilt and shame of being addicted to porn and masturbation is hard enough with you hating yourself for it. God does not talk to you that way when you fall, you shouldn’t talk that way to yourself either. Be gentle and encouraging toward yourself.
- Get a hobby, something of value (not video games): woodworking, ultimate frisbee, learn to cook well, learn Hungarian Dance No.5 by Brahms on the piano.
- Eat right, get enough sleep, get exercise. You are worth taking care of.
These 6 things are important. When I work with clients who tell me they want to overcome unwanted same-sex attraction, we start our work with working to overcome addiction to pornography and masturbation anyways. You don’t realize how bad you feel, how stupid and unmotivated you become when you use porn and masturbate, nor how good you will feel when you’re free of it, even only for a month at a time. Clients who have made it a month without falling report, “it’s like I finally understand how much God loves me, and he’s giving me little attaboys and little ways of loving me throughout my day.” You miss this when you keep breaking your relationship with him through these sins. It’s worth overcoming. You won’t be able to do it quickly. When we dig ourselves into a hole, God allows us to struggle for a long time to get out. It would be unjust for him to rescue us from it without the struggle, and he uses our struggle for good, namely humility. Be patient. Maintain a mindset of gratitude, thanking God that you haven’t fallen worse than you did. You can do this, and it is worth it for you to put in the work.
May God be praised.
